i often feel the same way about saying goodbye to my family(which i did once) and ended up in the pysch ward. There is a war raging inside of me one part wants to get help and the other side says dont bother nothing will change. Honestly the only reason i probably havent done it yet is because i have 2 small boys.
All this to say it seems like you have a lot to live for and offer the world. As always keep your head up and smile even when its tough. -hugs-