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alexandra_k said:
i imagine your p-doc will say something like 'you shouldn't just stop taking your meds like that. if you really want to stop you should do a gradual withrawal, otherwise you should keep taking them'.

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I had to laugh when I read this. You have the 'speech' down perfectly.

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but of course you know that already and i guess you need to feel bad right now. sometimes... people need to grieve. to rage and the like. sometimes it can feel kinda intensely good and intensely bad to get it out both at the same time... don't know how much this is resonating.

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A lot is resonating. Whatever is going on with me right now; it is happening for a reason, I know that.

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well... maybe he will get to see some more of you than the 'good client'. you might well find... that showing him some of this (and having a good cry) will leave you feeling a whole lot better?

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I think I have been 'acting out' a bit as a way to keep the emotion going until I see T-- so that I don't go in tomorrow as the 'good client' like I always do. I was mad at him when I left last week, and I do not want to let that go.. Unfortunately, I do not yet have the skills to hold onto that anger without acting it out. And furthermore, I can't see how I can let him know I'm angry without doing a whole bunch of things to make him sorry he ever pissed me off in the first place. Very mature and sophisticated, I know.

Thanks for your response, Alex. You seem to understand a lot about me.