Quote:
The alcoholics I am familiar with, and there are many, will have this thing called the phenomenon of craving. It happens sometimes, not every time. Once I got three or four beers or two or three drinks the pump would be primed so to speak. I would get this overwhelming craving to keep drinking. I would drink long past the party being over. I would drink until all the booze was gone. I would go to the store to get more, drunk driving or not. Drink until I was in a black out or pass out. Once the craving kicks in the drinking is out of control.
Then there is the addictive or obsessive part of it. I may go a couple of weeks and not drink and when I am feeling at my absolute best I would just have to drink that night. It was weird because when I was feeling really good is when I would want to drink the most. Also I could not quit on my own. I tried many many times and would always going back to the bottle or some other drug.
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Wow, very candid.
This explains me to a tee. I am starting to realise I have a problem with the drink. I have spoken to my grandmother about this, who was an alcoholic for many years (she is now sober 20 years) - but this is almost exactly how she explained it (as you have above). I told her about my uncontrollable urges to continue to drinking till total oblivion "after the party's over", so to speak, and as soon as I said that she said it was the hallmark of an alcoholic. She's very honest with me.
In my own case, I'm also similar in that I will drink "at my best" - I just have to do it. I'm more likely to not drink if I'm feeling extremely depressed from overdoing it. At the moment, I'm struggling to stop the habit of months of heavy drinking (that being beer and cider every night.). I really want to not have the attraction to drink, but I do have an addictive personality and it's in my family history, repeated over and over in a lot of close relatives.