Thanks to everyone. Very encouraging and comforting. I always appreciate hearing other people's experiences and advice.

Skitz I think you did give some good advice. I agree that we need to think what kind is friend/person would behave this way. For me every day that goes by in which I do not hear from this friend is another piece of evidence that she is not capable of being a good friend right now. It is very hard for me to reconcile in my mind the crappy way she has been more recently with the amazingly loving and supportive way she was three years ago when we were just beginning to figure all this Bipolar out. She has said some of the most loving healing things that have ever been said to me but now she has also hurt me more deeply than anyone else ever has. Maybe that is because of what we shared before. I need to keep in mind that those amazing experiences with her happened three years ago and that the past year has been mostly frustration and hurt. Because I feel myself weaken and I want to give her another chance. I want to ask her what her deal is. I want to TALK about it all. But I have been down that road. I know that I cannot afford the drama and stress and aggravation of all of that. Sigh. As my husband keeps saying I really need to LET IT GO.

She was just there for me at a very difficult time of my life in a way I really needed. It is hard to get over that. And besides the Bipolar. She was fun. We had a shared odd sense of humor. She knew me in my college days and I was a fun girl!! Ha. She held my hair back. Hemmed my jeans. Was my designated driver. Dragged my drunken manic *** home time and time again.

And I have been there for her too. I have seen her through the crazy **** of a normal person's life. It has been a fantastic friendship.

I just identified another emotion! Yay me. It is anger. I am angry at her for behaving the way she has and ruined our relationship. I am so pissed at her for that.

I would like to have a relationship with her in the future even just a surface level connection based on our shared history and inside jokes. But for right now I feel like I have to get over it all. I have to get over the desire for connection to her. Otherwise I am afraid I'd be like an addict getting back into the relationship trying to keep it surface and then getting all emotional in a weak moment.

I agree with you Skitz. I do think that people are in our lives for all different reasons at all different times.

Curiosity....I think part if what hurts a lot for me here is the understanding that I probably would not be in this situation with her if it weren't for Bipolar. Like you said.

I can't help but feel like she just finally had enough of my Bipolar and needed to push me away. And that hurts in a whole different king of way. That is a kind if rejection that sears all the way in because the bipolar is not even the real me. I feel convicted of a crime I didn't commit. But I also feel guilty. That horrible Bipolar guilt. That part of the illness that is so hard to deal with and accept.

Anyway. Thanks for listening to me again.

Am I doing the right thing in not talking to her now?