> I think I have been 'acting out' a bit as a way to keep the emotion going until I see T-- so that I don't go in tomorrow as the 'good client' like I always do.

That sounds really very insightful to me. And... Productive too. You are doing what you can so you can be upfront and real with your t. Kind of building up (or keeping up) the courage to confront him with some of those very real feelings.

> Unfortunately, I do not yet have the skills to hold onto that anger without acting it out.

Our actions have quite an impact on how we are feeling. There really is some truth in the 'fake it until you make it' saying. In the notion that if you smile and act happy then after a time you start to feel that way. (Not always of course, but there is some truth). Same with negative emotions. I was reading something last night about how ruminating does indeed keep that emotion firing away (wow - I didn't know they had done the research on that, that was a question I have been asking myself for a while now). You need to do what you need to do... And... Sounds to me that you are doing the best you can in order to help you show your t something fairly scary and 'real' about yourself... And that... You should be commended for that.

(Maybe this is a bit odd / unexpected... But I really do think that you are trying to do something for the greater good of the therapy relationship. It can be jolly hard to express such things as anger at t... I showed some of that last week... Maybe this is a bit odd... But I get terrors that my rage will kill him... But I need to take risks and nothing risked nothing gained... Seeing t handle it in a good way can improve the therapy relationship and help ones progress SO MUCH)

> I can't see how I can let him know I'm angry without doing a whole bunch of things to make him sorry he ever pissed me off in the first place.

Express your anger. Say to him 'I felt mad and I still feel mad'. TELL him you feel mad. Feel mad. See what he does with that :-)

But please tell him. Express it sure. Act it out, sure. But please tell him. (Think of the acting out as being verbal expression of what is going on and emotional expression rather than bodily movement / behaviour). It is still acting out... But telling someone you feel pissed off (and showing them some of the emotion) is much more mature than not telling him and making biting comments and the like. Really... If there is a more mature way to handle the feelings I don't know what it is (denial ain't so mature either)

;-)