Quote:
Originally Posted by mimag33
. I'm not sure her kids' father (which we won't get into how abusive, manipulative, shot his gun at her even with their 3 yr old in the house he is) would allow me to adopt his kids. He still says it's his house, his wife, his kids. He hates that "I'm sleeping with his wife and raising his kids" he tells her. I feel like I'd just be dad number 2 though I'd be spending the 95% of the time with them. I don't know if they could love me like their dad, even if they say they wish I was their dad. When they get older and understand I'm not their biological dad, what kind of things are they gonna feel towards me? Any stepchildren here that could give me a clue?
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How they feel for you, will depend on your personal relationship with each of them. Have a positive relationship, expect positive feelings, negative expect negative. I've been on both sides of the stepparent equation, as far as having them, in my life.
Of course, fostering a child's relationship with their biological parent, is in the best interests of the children. He may have been abusive to their mother, but unless he's abusing them, they'll feel deep affection for their father, typically.
How long ago, did she divorce? She's just brought a man, into her home, and there's deal breaking uncertainty? Don't mean to sound harsh, but what was the rush for you to move in there? There's a fair amount of trauma recovery for battered women to go through. He's still calling her his wife...sounds like the break was recent, imo.
A child with her, sounds risky. The desire to carry on your bloodline and surname is a HUGE Deal!!!!
And, surrogacy is complicated and Expensive, it's not unusual for women to turn down such an idea.
And, asking her to raise a fifth child....dunno, I have three, there's the burn out effect on top of aging and add complications to the pregnancy, hmm...
She has a mature and rational response to you, there...
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