Rh01, first I want to send kudos your way for approaching this situation in a helpful and intelligent way. Even though you don't have any absolute answers, you do sound dedicated to the idea of trying to figure out what will be most helpful to your son.

You might wander on over to the gender and sexual issues forum and post a link to this thread there and ask folks who have knowledge and experience with the adult baby and diaper loving phenomenon what they know about what helps and what hinders personal growth and mental health in a young person leaning in this direction.

I mean, we can all offer our well-meaning opinions, but how many of us have actual knowledge or personal experience with this particular situation? More people over on the sexual issues forum than on this particular one, I'm guessing.

Here's my well-meant opinion...

If this was happening in my family, I'd probably go with the option of not interfering with his baby activities in the privacy of his room. We do many things in private -- bathe, use the toilet, trim nostril hairs, self-pleasure, scratch our butts, break wind, dance naked -- that we might not choose to do in front of other people, including our family, maybe out of modesty, maybe out of consideration for other people's sensibilities. Even though it's private, it's not secret or shameful. If we start doing those private things in front of other people, including our family, it can start to become a major annoyance or worse. If he starts spending all of his time in his room, refusing to come out and join the family, well ... it might be best to worry about it when and if it actually happens instead of worrying about it in advance.

Is it fair to your other children and to your own temperament to allow him the run of the common living areas while in his baby attire? That's a question for the whole family to answer.

TomThomas made some very good points and I especially like this: I think you pretty much have to let him be his baby self in private whenever he wants. Otherwise, he'll just do it in secret anyway. But I think you can make the deal with him that he goes to therapy for this too, and that you get to have meetings with the therapist too about him, from time to time.

And this point that you made is vital: it's not really a concern if it's by himself to himself as long as no children are involved or non consensual

It might also be important to find out if he's involved in internet forums or chats that might include younger children or older adults. And definitely talk to him about not taking pictures of himself and sending them to anyone, even someone he thinks he can trust. Once a picture is out there, you can't get it back and you never know if it will come back to cause embarrassment, something countless people have learned the hard way.

You might need a few sessions with a therapist to coach you into calmness and reasonableness. It's so easy to start out a friendly conversation and then to start hearing one's own voice taking on harsh notes just because ... because. Some conversations are just plain difficult between parent and child.

I think you're doing a great job negotiating an unexpected and difficult situation in your family, doing your best to get it right. Good job.