Hi guys,
As I mentioned in my new member intro, I am currently going through a breakup. My feelings about it? well at any given time I can be happy, at peace, and free, but also depressed, empty, longing, and feeling like the he made the wrong decision. Ive never been so sure about being "meant for each other" than I do with him. There is no going back to the relationship or talking to him so in fear of growing an urge...please DO NOT suggest I reach out to him.

My problem is....I feel like I should cry. If I welcome it, I know the tears will fall. BUT Im almost afraid to let it all out and really feel it. I have just started DBT (self-help) and am having trouble figuring out if I should really welcome my feelings or simply observe and set them free.

I really want to, but I also HATE crying. I just don't want to feel it, wallow, or acknowledge these feelings at all. I hate being sad. Anger is so much more...tolerable. And happiness? Well, that's always wanted.

I have not injured myself in a couple months. I did punch my leg a couple times last week but stopped myself and grabbed an icecube (something I learned in DBT). Right now I have the urge to injure in some way. But I am doing my best not to go back to old habits.