hi fourleaf
this is not a healthy relationship. anybody who makes you feel worthless is not worth it. nobody should say things to you that denigrate you and make you feel like ending your life. once forgiven, nothing should be brought up again. there is nothing you have written in this post that makes this man sound like someone who loves and cherishes you. he belittles, demeans and bashes you instead. love yourself and give yourself to someone who has more respect for you. take care.