I know it seems you can't find time to get professional help, but the fact is...that's what you need. Either a counselor (could be a priest, pastor or some other person who has experience with the issues you wrote of) or a Therapist. I understand how you feel...and a lot of your emotions I could relate to.

I just think there is a lot more to this story that you haven't said, because it would probably take too long, in your opinion, but those things are important too. I also realize you came out of a disfunctional relationship and found yourself, rather quickly, into another that is equally, if not more disfunctional. THAT is why I think it is important, for your mental and emotional health, that you do seek out a professional to talk to. They are much more capable of helping you one on one, not only with this painful break up, but also preventing you from falling into the same trap with the next bf.

Trust me, it's very very easy to do, if you haven't given yourself enough time to find your inner strength and self-reliance/esteem.

Take care