The thing is that I am the one who is not talking to her. I had to stop because it seemed like it wasn't healthy and she was disregarding and not acknowledging my feelings and there is a very deep and complicated history and a lot of stuff happened. She hurt me a lot. I was trying to get over all of it and move on but I just finally couldn't.

So this is where I have my conflicting confusing feelings because I am hoping that I am not making some kind if mistake here. If there is nothing I can do and I just need to move through the sadness etc I will do that. If there is something I should do than I want to do that. Shrug. Should it be so hard?

But yes I am the one pulling away and taking a break but it is because of her behavior. It is complicated. Sigh.

I'm just so sad about it. It is starting to knock me off balance and I don't reLly know what to do about it. I talked to my therapist. I talked to my friends. I talked on here. I prayed. I guess I just still need to feel sad.