i have this fear too. my father left when i was 7 and that was hard for me because i missed him, yeah. but harder still was what he was leaving me with. my abusive mother and nobody else to play the role he played in my life - of being kind.

i have trouble with object constancy. when people who i care about aren't around me i have trouble conjuring up mental pictures and dialogues of / with them. if i do think of them i feel upset that they aren't with me. i have trouble soothing myself with my internal representations of them.

i guess part of that is that i have trouble remembering people when they aren't around (because it is too painful for me to think of them when they aren't around) and so... i figure that like i forget others when they aren't around others forget me when i'm not around. that makes it even harder for me to think of them because i imagine them carrying on with their lives not even thinking of me at all.

there is of course a cycle of distress here...

that probably starts with my thinking that they aren't thinking on me at all (like how my dad seemed to forget me altogether once he left)

internalising t is a start, i guess. takes time. i dunno. sorry.