yeah, I lost almost everything too. Addiction drove me into a psychotic break that I've never completely recovered from so I even lost part of my mind. I don't think there is a clear cut reason for why I kept on using even though I new it was destroying me. Everybody's situations/experiences are different so I think each person needs to figure out their own unique motivation for getting and staying sober/clean. It does help to hear other peoples stories so you can get some ideas about things you might want to consider.

I tried to get sober time and time again but was never able to stay clean because I always gave in to that feeling that I "needed" something--anything. When I finally got clean the last time I fought that need for something constantly. But as I stayed sober the intensity of the need diminished. It was rough as heck to make it through each day without giving in and using but for me I knew it was the only was I was going to survive. I'm truly relieved that the "need" is not a temptation for me now.