I think I get what you mean, but I might be wrong of course. And yes, sometimes I feel more or less the same way. It doesn't feel good to depend on therapy, when it feels as if it's the only thing in your life that counts, when you can't imagine a life without it. It sucks.

Honestly, I wonder whether it really matters whether we're 'just' one of our T's clients, while they to us mean the world. What I mean to say is that the helpful part, the benefit of therapy is in what it means to us. It may sound egoistic, but after all that's the only thing that counts. What it does to you and how you experience it. If the connection doesn't support you, it's worthless. Does our T have to see us as unique? As their favorite client? It's not necessary to help you, you know... Even though it might be what we wish for sometimes. It's not rational and maybe wouldn't even be in our best interest.

I think that as long as we expect this, as long as we're too attached to our T, we're not where we have to be yet. And it's exactly the same with spending all your time here, talking about your therapy or your T. It's simply because you need it HERE and NOW. But that doesn't mean that there can't be an evolution, that there's no space for improvement, that you'll never get where you have to be, that you'll never heal and feel like you can go without your T. This is a phase.

You may hate that phase, but I hope that one day you can look back at it and see your improvement and feel like you've healed.