I wonder if I'm doing the "wrong kind" of therapy. It's just "talk therapy" - no particular method or plan that I see - just going in there every week and talking about "how was your week" or "what happened" and "how do you feel about it" really isn't getting me anywhere. In some ways, it actually reinforces the negative, because it's yet another hour of my life to bring up some past unhappy event and bring that into the present.

Alas, patience is NOT my virtue - I want every done "now, now, now". I guess that was all a part of the pressure put on me as a kid, everything had to be perfect, and with 10,000 things thrown at me all of the time, I had to learn to put out fires on the spot. And alas, none of those 10,000 things were every the things I wanted to do, just the things I felt I had to do, or was made to do. Mostly helping out my poor mom, because of course, she too had to be perfect, or else, whammo. She worked so hard keeping the house perfect, cooking elaborate meals, whatever it took to keep him happy, so I learned early to help her and pick up her slack.

He may be effed up, but hey, at least the boy can cook!