Are there any of you with PTSD who can't throw away a painful reminder? In the institution I was a subject of medical torture I had a stress ball with me for the pain. Of course they would place it just out of my reach during sessions but in between sessions I squeezed it.

I still have it. I threw it out of the window twice but I can't stand not having it so I go outside and look for it. I look at it sometimes or hold it (and I don't know why I do it because it hurts and makes me feel bad) although I've never squeezed it again.

Does anyone recognize this?