what do u do
when u really do not want to go to therapy
and its more than just lack of motivation
its embarresment
and shame
and fear
of everything thats happened
and i know yes its not my fault and i dealt with it the only way i knew how

but what do i do when i just want to give up
when im giving up on T and the whole idea of trying to get better
when i just dont think its possible
when i just dont see a future
when i know that i will always remember it all
how am i meant to live with that