</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
ECHOES said:
(( mouse ))

also when your adoptive mother told you about your birth mother, it must have felt like being lost and forgotten and as a little girl i wonder if you thought you 'should' remember her even though you couldn't possibly. A little girl might have spent hours and hour and hours trying to remember...

(( mouse ))

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

OH Echoes, your post really touched on something!! I posted a couple of weeks back where I felt i was sitting in a deserted railway station waiting for a train to come that was never going to come, but the hoping it would come was so much better then the reality of knowing it will never come and having to stand up and leave that station!

Well I didnt realise that unconsiously I have been trying to remember and remember and the trying to remember has prevented me from moving on, mourning.

At work this morning I felt this overwhelming sense of futilty! This overwheming knowledge that I am NEVER going to remember. Its time to leave the station. But that innerchild in me has spent so looooooonnnngg hoping that train was gonna come (remember something) and its not, never was, and never will.

I feel this sense of everything I believed has now been altered permenantly. I feel like there's a big hole where the time waiting use to be. I guess the only way to deal with this is to go through it. To feel the feelings my "waiting" has been holding at bay.

I dont remeber her, and never will, no matter how many notes I leave for santa or how many obsessive things I do, the plain fact is I don't remember.

Thanks ((Echoes)) I've been looking for the key to move on. I think your words were the oil on the chain.