You shouldn't let anyone make you feel ashamed of what you do feel. Many people end up with abusive people for whatever reason and still love them.

BUT, you need to understand that no amount of you loving them will ever change that abuse. It is time for you to move on, and you need to do that within yourself first.

You do not deserve to be abused, no matter how much you and this other person are in love. Besides, by staying with this person you are enabling them to continue this behavior. By leaving, you will actually be helping. I promise.

I hope all is well, please be safe! Cosmic hugs.