Awe, sounds like a tough session, but I want to praise you sincerely for being brave, honestly sharing threatening feelings.

I am glad you explained what she meant about her deciding when to end therapy as I had a similar reaction to Stopdog at first. Now that I know more what she meant, I can see it as reassuring.

I wanted to answer your question as to whether anyone else has dealt with maternal transference: it's true a lot of the literature and blogging and such is about romantic transference.

However, in my case, I started therapy to help me with parenting difficulties: I found out I had PTSD and that helped explain (NOT excuse) the angry outbursts I had at my daughter. I've been healing and working hard on my parenting, which opened the door to talking about my own childhood and the traumas I experienced. As I did, I felt more and more strongly about my therapist, attached to her, afraid to lose her, joyful at finding her... a whole spectrum of emotion I won't take hours to explain tonight, haha, but intense, like you said, is definitely a fitting word.

I've found the transference difficult, but extremely compelling and often rewarding. My therapist has embraced the experience and says she is honored to be trying to be my "good enough mother" a therapeutic term for a consistent, caring, devoted, helpful presence in my life. I too am welcome to come to therapy as long as I like. I've made a lot of progress on my issues, but find some of the deeper work, is just to connect to her. I feel I've done some great things through our work together and that depending on her is one of the hardest parts, sometimes, but also the best, and our relationship has gotten easier and smoother over time.

So, just wanted to say you're totally not alone, I relate to some of your posts, and I'm very sorry you lost your mother, both to death and to her not being able to be everything you needed.

Hope you take good care of yourself.