Quote:
Originally Posted by serolod
Wow, thanks so much, I can't believe you actually read all that. Thank you. I kind of know I should see someone, but having you say it makes me feel better about it. I def. feel like it's not important enough (or at all really) so I put it off and off and off. Until I shut down and can't go on. Also the fact that I'm even on this forum... why am I here? What's happened that brought me here?
Now the battle in my head will be to actually make that appointment. I tend to freeze. I actually have the card of a psychologist in my wallet. I've had it for years. I never called. My scheduled is pretty rigid... I go to work, leave work, go home to my daughter (my parents watch her while I'm at work), later my husband comes home, then we do it all again the next day. If I make even just one appointment I'll have to change my schedule and explain to quite a few people where I've been. :  : Why is that so hard for me? I feel nauseous just thinking about it. |
Trust me I know exactly how you feel....but once you do it, and once you get there, you'll feel so much better. I get that way about other things...anything that I just KNOW is gonna stress me out, makes me shut down and want to throw up for hours...and because of it I, too, put things I need to do off.
Most recently: had to buy a car. Mine is an old beater now, had it since 2003 and the engine was on it's last wheels. I HAD to get a car for reliable transportation...but the thought of doing so freaked me out. I put it off, over and over. Finally I asked my ex H if he would go with me..sort of moral support and he agreed readily (we're good friends)..but just getting to his house so he could drive me to the dealership was awful. Once there I burst into tears...my ex H poured me a shot of whiskey and after about a half hour we went. All my fears were for naught (of course)..it was time consuming but I got a good deal and left with a car. I was just so freaked that I literally felt paralysed but my ex H knew how I would be and was totally helpful to me.
The moral of the story???? We tend to freak out and only because of what we KNOW is going to happen, which rarely if ever is what WILL happen. It's in the nature of BPD and the disorders continued effort to lie to us and terrorize us.
You'll feel better. Trust me. It will be a hurdle lept and a battle won. There will be others...but this one, will be remembered as the first...and the first is always wonderfully fullfilling.
Take care
We're here for you if you need us, don't forget!!
Oh, and why are you here? Because you needed answers other than what you've found yourself, from people who might have an understanding of what you're going thru...have been thru.
It's why most of us, if not all of us, find ourselves here--whether recommended by someone, or discovered on our own. Here, we can be helped and reassured...and we can help and reassure others as well, if possible.
