Okay, I'm going to weigh in here, Lute20. I have a bit of a unique perspective, I think. I am an older male who has been married for over 30 years. But I have also been transgendered (MtF transsexual) my entire life. But I never transitioned.

I'm not at all knowledgeable with regard to the gay lifestyle. So, you'll have to pardon me if I slide unwittingly into social stereotyping. But my impression is that the types of relationships you've experienced with men is common within the gay community. Long-term intimate relationships such as married people (at least in theory) experience are more difficult to establish. (This may be due to the fact that gay & lesbian persons are only now beginning to gain the right to marry.)

Anyway, again from my limited perspective, I just think that women are more prone to establish long-term permanent relationships than are men. (This just makes sense, really, if you look at it from an evolutionary perspective.) So to me the experiences you've had creating relationships, with men on the one hand & women on the other, make perfect sense. This is what I would expect.

So it seems to me you have 3 choices. One is you can continue to pursue relationships with men in the hopes of eventually meeting a man who is interested in a long-term stable relationship, possibly including marriage, if that's something you want. You can do the same thing with women. Date women until you meet one you can establish a long-term relationship with, including marriage, if you want that. Or the 3rd choice would be to try to find a partner who has the same predilections you do in the hopes of establishing a long-term but open partnership or marriage.

The thing I want to stress though is: whatever you decide be up-front with your partner about your sexuality. From what I read it sounds like this would be particularly important should you find yourself developing a long-term relationship with a woman because I would suspect that the greater sexual attraction you experience for men is likely to demand that you seek out male relationships even if you should marry a woman.

The reason I hold this perspective is because I always believed that I could keep my trans-ness a secret & be married to a woman. And it is true that I did it for quite a long time. (If I had just died at a younger age, I would have succeeded!) But as it is, in the end, my circumstances drove me to 2 suicide attempts & a whole lifetime of sneaking around trying to assuage my trans feeling while maintaining the outward appearance of a happily married man. In retrospect, it was not fair either to myself or my wife. But, at the time, it was all I knew to do & all I was capable of doing. Be up-front with any prospective long-term partners you have. From my perspective, that's the most important thing whichever way you go.