guys, i feel like such a jerk coming here. i only come here to read threads and occasionally post my own junk. i would like to offer support or wise words to y'all but i've got nothing. so here i am again to whine.

i've never felt as bad as i do right now. i'm out of control with my eating and going between restricting/starving and horrible bingeing. obviously my weight is up which makes me want to cry and cry. Im so stressed out at work, I work 3 12 hr shifts a week and on my off days i literally stay in bed all day. i can't get out. im so embarrassed of my fat i can't leave my room. work is going so badly i'm struggling with coworkers bullying me and i'm applying to other jobs but have no takers. ive never felt as low as i do right now and i blame my weight for it all (whether thats rational or not) i want to take a knife and cut off my fat right this second. i want to die i can't take this you know.
i've been getting horrible PMS that lasts for 3 weeks but my period never comes then i have a few weeks of normalcy and then PMS again and then no period so i have a hunch my hormones are screwed up...right?
i have no support, im scared to call my old therapist, i'm so embarrassed because i'm fatter and worse off than when i left her. i don't know what im asking for but i'm just stressed and at an all time low.