don't feel insane or stupid. has the stress gotten to you maybe? idk. i relied on suicidal ideation to get me through high school, then college, then the early years of marriage that it's like a well worn path in my brain. when i'm under stress i literally wish i had a gun in my hand to blow my brains out and i can almost imagine the weight of it, the feel of it...

yeah it's bad for me.

right now i have ppd (we think? idk) so i'm just a SUI mess lol.