Hi,

Not so sure whether this belongs with this topic, but I'm giving it a try.
I'm wondering whether any of you recognizes this behavior. Actually it drives me crazy, because I see the patterns, but I don't know what it's all about and how I could ever change this.

It feels as if I always want people to look up to. And maybe we all have some of those people in our lives, but for me it feels as if those are the only ones I really want to have a friendship or relationship with. While, quite logically I guess, that would be very unequal relationships.

On the other hand, when a friend/partner does everything for me, likes me to death,... I feel like running away as fast as I can. Because it makes me feel responsible for their feelings about me? Because I don't 'like' being loved? I don't know. All I know is that I don't like people who would do everything for me, people for who's attention I don't have to 'fight'.
It's not a very healthy thing of course...

The relationship with my T feels a bit similar. I know I'm 'just' one of her clients. So it's as if I'd have to fight to be different, to be 'special'. I guess I'm not but... you get what I mean. I love to put people on a pedestal. I rather don't get to know them too well, so they stay there as long as possible too. I want to see them as being perfect.

What sucks the most, I guess, is that it leads to something that's almost impossible. Friendships are more about equality, not about one person admiring the other one, right? Not having that is a set up for abuse... or the other person simply doesn't like you that much in return and therefor that friendship simply doesn't work. Aarrgghh...

Anyone dealing with this too? Any explanations? Thoughts?