haley it is hell, quite simply..sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
may as well give it to you straight.

try your best to manage your emotions, the intensity is the killer and tell yourself..it's just my BPD acting up.
this has been working quite well for me.(somewhat)

i also so recommend a therapist, which won't be easy..i quit seeing mine after 3 visits. he was digging too deep, too quickly..couldn't deal with it.

it's a lot like being on a roller-coaster and not being able to get off..if that makes any sense.

hope this helps