I was writing out one of the letters to my former mentor. This one was about how he would be proud of me if he knew some of what I accomplished. I started out by saying I didn't know why, but it was very important that I know of imagine that he was proud of me. At one point, I made the realization that all the things I thought he would be proud of were all things I was proud of. And that I didn't need him as much as I thought. I was proud of myself, and maybe that was enough. And although he's not here anymore, a piece of him remains with me in my heart, the reminders and the ways he shaped me. And maybe it's okay that things ended the way they did. And maybe I won't actually miss out on much if I move on because I have all I was looking for inside me. I'm not "missing out" because I can be for myself what he was for me. I can be proud of myself, and okay with myself, and let that be enough.

I think this is probably a turning point for me in terms of grief. I'm crying now, again, yet this time, it's okay tears. I feel okay about them, and about everything. I don't even know how it's possible that one realization can change everything, but maybe in this case, it is.

Honestly everyone...I think this is huge.