This is weird. And I'm not sure how to even begin explaining this. Nothing bad happened to me, that I can think of, but I have a natural distrust towards men. They make me extremely nervous, especially once they 'invade' my space (shoulder touch or anything of the kind). I'm serious though, its like my brain goes haywire, I'll jerk away.
I have fallen in love before, a few times, but as soon as he decided to come closer to me, I would push him away instantly. So no, I have never been in a relationship, I simply would not allow it. The thought alone creeps me out. But I do, sometimes, feel that urge for a connection. It's ridiculous.
The guys that I do hang around with, I'm ok with, just so long as they are clearly not interested in me or have a girlfriend. It's like I can loosen up, finally feel ok and talk to them without feeling stressed out.
Funny thing is, now that I'm writing it down, I'm realizing that I really do fear men, in a way.
This is becoming more and more of a problem, because for my work I will have to be working close with my male supervisor. This is causing me great distress, already. And it feels like my feelings are blurred, mixed even. I get this feeling of relief once I receive a call or email from him, discussing future arrangements. But at the same time I fear them. It's like I'm falling for him, but at the same time I'm scared to death of him. Does that make any sense?
I want to tackle this problem, but really don't know how. I can't change supervisors, unfortunately and to be honest, I don't think that that's the way to solve this.. whatever this is.
Does anyone have experience with this? Can anyone, somehow, relieve my stress?
Cheers,