I know that my behaviour is because I am afraid, terrified, of some stuff and of trusting my T and taking the next step. I don't want to care so much, but I do, and that feels threatening somehow, so I protect. DOH!

Yes, I think for me at least I needed more proof of the level of care that my T has for me. My job, now that he has shown that to me, is to do the believing. That will be progress.

Like you I also expected my T to become annoyed at me and tell me to sort my shyte out. Somehow that would be easier to deal with than the care and empathy and being there with me still.