It takes time but I think it might be better if you do move on. Sound like a toxic relationship and its not right for him to hurt you like that. You deserve better than someone who will put you down. You deserve someone who will build you up and make you feel like you are amazing. It hard when you love someone because we tend to make excuses for them, we want love, we want it to work because we do see good things about them but don't let the few good things blind you to his emotionally abusive ways. There are ups and downs in relationships but the downs should not include the abuse. For him to say not to tell anyone you broke up is really weird.. He cares more about how he will look and not about your feelings? I hope you are feeling better about this soon.