I am not a doctor... I would urge you to seek out some help from a therapist or a doctor...

I do have an ED.

Catching an eating disorder, as soon as, you can is the best thing that you can do for yourself...

If you look at some of the posts in this forum - there is one that was recent that had a great deal of good advice...

The effects of an ED are long term and devastating - the post that I am referring to went thru that in detail. If you are talking about "pig out" and having an "underlying fear to gain weight" - that indicates to me there is a real problem. Really having a very long term ED can do damage to your body that you aren't aware of... until it is too late to fix it..

sincerely,
freewill

fyi,,, "boney little body'' - a little senistivity goes a long way.. and is greatly appreciated,,,

I wish you the best...