I really don't know what to say. It's easier to type rather than in person that's for sure. Hello everyone. [edited by mod] but please call me Rob or Robbie. I'm a 51 year old man who is most certainly bipolar. I live in Lincolnshire and so far have had little professional help. Sadly my trust in out local psychiatrist along with his Mental Health Team fell by the wayside though recently I have decided to give another go to rebuilding any trust that was lost.

On my first appointment with the psychiatrist he immediately increased my doses of Venlafaxine to 300mg. When I approached my G.P. I was advised the safe level was 225mg which I was already on. As my GP has witnessed my down times shall we say I trusted him rather than what I perceived to be a fool who was dishing out antidepressants willy nilly. I began to talk total rubbish to him throughout that one hour appointment just to get out.

Was I wrong? I mean should I trust a man who appeared to know arrogantly know me, what I go through and what I have been through after one hour who increase doses above recommended levels or a man as my G.P who knows everything?

All trust I was building was dashed and I lashed out. Now I know that was wrong in itself. They thought they knew me so well after one hour, better than I know myself.

They were so wrong.

I began a journey of self preservation and self discovery and wrote everything down from before I could remember in the hope I could find and face my inner demons head on. I even published it on Kindle in the hope someone would find and read it and offer me a way forward. I thought it would help but ...

This time I was wrong!

Now my life is out there for the world to scrutinize. It was the worst thing I could have done and I am not here to publicize it further that's for sure.

I am the freak my mother and family always claimed I was. I'm no further forward and the condition continues to remain within.

I'm hoping forums like this can help me in some small way and I am looking forward to reading posts, but not today. I'm a little down right now.

And so to end...

I lock myself away from society, rarely if ever venturing out of my home and this typing and seeing on screen lark seems to look promising - for me. I live a solitary life indeed with a partner of 23 years and 13 dogs. They are the only ones that give me any comfort or feeling of safety these days.

Sadly I also own a very volatile temper, normally verbal but physical has come to the surface on a couple of occasions. After 51 years I feel being locked away at home is best for me.

I do feel like a freak after being called one from ever since I can remember and really feel society is a better place without me right now. Why am I saying all this? What am I doing? Sorry

I'm sure I'll partake soon, just not yet.

Kindest regards

Rob

xxx