Have you sought professional help at all? I find that your expressions of all or nothing thinking is very detrimental to you being able to accept any thoughts, advice from others personal experience,. It is a journey for sure with lots of bumps unless your willing to accept that and continue to try even if that means only existing for those days you are alive. How will you ever know if your ideal of what pleasure is will ever return.
I think we all have had periods of hating the illness .. Feelings are just moments in time even when they are long lasting. I find you are almost trying to justify staying where your at in what you perceive as all negative. Can you share all avenues you have tried to help yourself. We are here to share, help, express ourselves etc. you say you are receptive to other ideas, yet are rebutting it all which tells me you are indeed in a very negative place right now. Which means you may need more help than we here can provide by our own personal experience.