> Ive had counselors say they can't help me before.

That is when you try and find someone else who believes they can help you IMHO.

> counselors can't help the people that don' try or want to be helped.

If you didn't want to be helped then you wouldn't turn up for therapy. That kind of statement is what Linehan refers to as 'blaming the victim'. Instead of the therapist being honest both with themself and you and saying something along the lines of 'I'm sorry but I don't know how to help you but I'll try and help you find someone who does' they blame the client for their difficulties. We know you have difficulties already (that is why you are in therapy). With respect to the therapist, on the other hand, they jolly well should know better. On the upside it is good to know that a therapist has a tendency to blame the victim fairly early on so that one can find someone more competent.

> only I can fix me by doing things like talking to them and trying their suggestions my not talking and my not trying their suggestions means they can't help me because they don't what I have tried and what has worked and what didn't of what they want me to do.

If the problem is that you don't do the homework suggestions and that you don't talk to them then those then become the 'therapy interfearing' targets for therapy. It is then the therapists job to help you figure out (and overcome) what it is that is holding you back from doing the homework and talking to the therapist.

If they don't know that... Then honestly you are better off finding someone else at any rate.