I'm financially broke, and part of the reason I'm depressed is because I am broke. If I was capable of landing and holding a job, I wouldn't have to live with my abusive sister who does things like throw her period blood at me and smear her period blood on my bedroom door.

I've been deeply depressed for years and view myself as pretty much worthless because it's the truth...I can't do anything right, can't attract a boyfriend, can't think straight, can't figure out how to succeed in anything but book work. I'm useless in everyone's eyes. But the message in society is that everyone has value, so I tried listening to that message and seeking out help, but everyone made it explicitly clear that they do not care about me.

I tried going to my school's counseling center when I was still in school...I had to withdraw for next semester because I don't have anymore money for school...I was bawling and practically begging someone to help me. They shoved me out the door because I am a part-time student and therefore haven't given the school enough money for them to care what happens to me. I don't have the money to take more classes at a time, and in their eyes, this renders me a waste of their resources.

There are no affordable services available to me because I'm just a 25 year old single woman...there are only services for children, elderly people, and women who have been abused by their partners. No one cares about people like me.

I even broke down and told my dad if he didn't do something to make my sister stop tormenting me, I was going to wind up killing myself because I can't take it. He basically laughed in my face. He won't help me either. He's only interested in catering to my sister's every demand because if he doesn't give her all of his attention, she'll destroy his house or start a physical fight with him or whatever. Because I'm not as dramatic as her, he doesn't see a point in paying attention to what's going on with me.

I just wish society would quit telling this lie that everyone matters. I don't matter. I tried asking/begging for help and was basically told to my face to just sit in my room and cry all day like a good quiet little depressed girl because I DON'T matter.