Forwardinreverse,

I can really identify with the type of dilemma you are having here - the feeling of "floating" without having the pleasure of knowing yourself. I used to read all the time both about Jung's theory of Self and also different blogs written by people who say that they've found their Selves. I just had this feeling that I had a Self, but I didn't know how to reach it or to be logically sure that it was actually there. I didn't have access to therapy, but I did have a conversation with one person in the "real world" and a few conversations with the members of Psych Central, and I realized that everything I've done and everything that I've felt in the past somehow "smelled" like me. There was some kind of element that stayed the same in the thoughts that I've had throughout my life. I have to take into account that some of the activities that I've done were completely alien to me because I felt pressured into doing/starting them, but the key is that my reaction to these events just sounded like "something I would do."

The next step for me was trying to "merge" with myself (and my Self) more often, and that led to some frustration because I thought that I could be my Self fully all the time. I realized (and am still trying to understand) that maybe one of the reasons why the Self is so hard to find, is that it can't be present ALL of the time. It is always there in some respect, but it takes so much energy for the Self to be present that it has to "rest" sometimes. I also like reading about the "Flow State" in psychology. This is a state where you are so absorbed in whatever you are doing that you forget all time and space around you. It is such a cool feeling and everyone experiences it! You feel so great afterward, but also exhausted. I think that this is the time when your true self comes to the surface and whenever you break your flow state, your Self must retreat and recover its energy.

I hope this helps,
pkey