Hi SweetCrusader, thanks for your kind words. Counseling unfortunately is out of the question for me right now as I just could not afford it. We have a hard enough time paying all of our bills right now but hopefully I can do this in the future. So I try to read self-help books from the library and find forums like this and it helps me. I am glad that your therapist is helping you.

I agree with you about there being nothing I can do, they have to want to help themselves, which apparantly they do not. I moved to another state many years ago thinking that some distance will make things easier for me. I really needed to get away. At least I do not have to witness it on a daily basis anymore. But after having children, you want them to see family. My family is all they have, as my husband's family lives 3,000 miles away and visit only once a year. And unfortunately they are very cold people, and have a very strained relationship with my husband. So I guess it is good that they are not so close.

My children are only aware of the fact the their uncle lives with them and grandma not driving. They are not aware of my brothers odd behaviors, as he does not do anything strange in front of them. Atleast nothing that they would notice. They do not know that he does not work or have a social life either. They have no idea of dad's gambling or mom's hiding away in her basement, etc. But I imagine as they get older they will start to wonder why their uncle still lives with grandma and grandpa. Right now they think they are great and love visiting with them. I just sit there anxious and frustrated, but try my best to put on my happy face for my kids.

The worst part is dealing with my brother. Because he has no life of his own, he just latches onto mine. I don't mean to sound mean and feel bad saying that because he is so nice to me and my children. But I would just love to be able to hear about his life, his job, his place, his wife or girlfriend, his friends, his travel plans, etc. He is so curious about everything we are up to, but has nothing to contribute about his own life. Because he has nothing going on at all. So all he talks about is the past. It is like he is stuck there. I just do not understand why he has basically given up on a normal life of his own. Shouldn't you want more out of life than watching tv land and driving your mother to the grocery store?

I have heard about enmeshment and that does not offend me at all. I do feel like that is the problem. I feel like they do not seem to know where one ends and the other begins as they are all so needy of each other for different things. My brother needing of mom for all his emotional and social needs. Mom needing him for driving and financial help. And thus allowing dad to have more gambling money. I guess that even though I moved out and on with my own life, I am very enmeshed with my concern and wanting to change them. I just don't know how to relate to them and feel like we are alien to each other in so many ways.

I am already dreading our next gathering, which will be soon at my son's birthday party. I am finding it harder and harder to be around them but since they are not doing anything to me or my family, I can not just kick them out of our lives, simply because I do not like they way they choose to live. But next time my brother chats me up about our lives, I feel like asking him what is going on with his. But since it is unspoken fact that he has none, it does not happen. I would be very much the bad guy if I dared. Oh well. sorry for rambling. Thanks again for your kind words and advice, it really does help.