I suppose I do need to get a handle of my emotions better. I guess I pushed him away cause I came on too strong. He has even said this to me in the past. Maybe stupid me thought that if I didn't pull his arm on the subject, he would grow to like me more than a friend. But I was apparently kidding myself cause after almost two years of knowing him, nothing has changed. In the past, I have repressed my feelings for people cause I was afraid of getting hurt. I guess after my drunk incident, I said I loved him to get him back. Which obviously blew up in my face. In the past I made subtle hints of liking him more than a friend which I think he chose to ignore.i I just about did anything to make him happy. I listened to his problems when he had them.I tried to show compassion. I even gave him money once. I clung on to him like he was the only guy in the world for me. It wasn't always like this. When we first met, I didn't really find him all that attractive. I was just drunk and he was there to comfort me. After the first night we met. I didn't really want to be with him again. I ignored his messages until he left me alone. Then after a month of noticing weird symptoms. I was in denial of my pregnancy. I finally took a test and called him. He was so comforting. Told me it was my choice on what I had to do. I already had health issues and the longer I stayed pregnant, the more pain I was in. So I mAde the choice of an abortion. At that point, I really wanted to be with him. But he said we were just friends. That was our first falling out. Before the abortion. I didn't really think much of my pregnancy. After, it hit me hard. So it might of been the best in some situations. But I wish I could take it b back honestly. The guilt, regret and constant nightmares. When I'm happy, I think to myself you stupid cow, how can you be happy after what you have done. It's basically torn me up emotionally.I wanted so bad for him to care. But he hasn't. I like to think of my Angel as mine. Cause he doesn't care. If he did, he would of been sad along with me. I loved him cause of that Angel. Nothing more.