(this is just me venting please dont feel the need to read it, its really nothing exciting or worth it I just had to get it out somehow)


I try to just exist in this world, I dont expect anything special or anything more than anyone else,
I dont expect love or want your attention, in fact I hate when people notice me.

I just want to exist
Why does that seem so hard to do now?

Apparently I make my mum feel bad
When I jump everytime someone knocks on the door
Or I cant answer the phone when it rings
She told me sometimes she thinks to herself "oh for gods sake just do it" then she remembers I have problems and feels bad for thinking it would be that easy

Why do I make everything harder for everyone?

I finally made a friend a few weeks back (im 21 and shes my only friend it would be funny if it wasnt so sad)
We were sat under a bridge talking when a group of people sat on a bench not far away and looked over (now that I look back I think even I would have looked if two girls were sat under a bridge) I had a panic attack, I was sure they were going to come over and it just got worse as I realised I was having a panic attack infront of my (very new) only friend.

I hate the way I feel
I hate the way I see myself
I hate who im becoming

I wanted so much from life but id give it all up just to exist