Ipse Dixit, I suggest you talk about this to 'Judy'. Even if you were to find another t, this will come up again. As is the case with our core issues, they get 'transfered' onto those we feel safe with, those we get to trust.
I would say to Judy exactly what you expressed so well here. And if you are hindered by shame etc. you may find it useful to say that you are ashamed to talk about this...and then go ahead and talk about it..
You are struggling with a pretty loaded issue, imho. And the only way out of it is through it. Perhaps you can talk about it at the start of the session so you have enough time to spend on it. The issues you mention here are 'grist for the mill', and if you can get this out in the open and process it with 'Judy' you will be all the lighter, relieved of a burden....
As sky said, your t is a person with whom you will get 'safe' love and caring.
You mention that you tend to 'fall in love' with people like 'Judy'. If I understand correctly, you may be referring to 'infatuation', and I think it's a normal process in therapy.
You say that because she can't fully 'love' you that means you are not 'lovable'. I hear ya man. Of course logically we know this is untrue, yet the emotional experience is what matters here and it seems this is one of your core issues to work through in therapy.
And this whole self-hatred thing, I'm sure lots of us here can relate to it! I recall when I couldn't fathom that my t cared about me because in my mind I was so utterly despicable! It took a long time for me to begin to accept and 'absorb' her 'goodness' and caring. I think what helped was the fact that I communicated that I felt despicable and hated and that I'd rather reject her than be rejected by her, etc. etc.
Thanks for posting, I really enjoyed this post! You are quite and insightful person!
Best of luck to you,
Take care,