Thanks for this.

I went back into therapy and treatment earlier this year because I was convinced that my mother (abuser) was going to go after my young grandson. The basis of this was that I had learned over the years, and in previous therapy/treatment sessions that I needed the ability to protect myself and to take responsibility for my own safety. I learned to do that very well, and I no longer felt afraid that she could hurt me anymore.

Then it was like, one day I woke up and suddenly realized that just because I was safe from her didn't mean that she couldn't hurt me by hurting the people I love most. I went into a tailspin of constant hyper-vigilance and trying to figure out a way to stop it before it could happen. I started have some really scary revenge fantasies if she hurt anyone I love. It became all I thought about.

Now I am coming to realize that she is really just a very sick old woman who will never get better because she either can't or won't recognize how ill she really is and that my fears of her hurting my grandson are very irrational. He could be hit by a bus as well, and there's nothing I can do to stop that either. Should my irrational fear become reality, then I will deal with it accordingly. If she does anything illegal, I'll have her arrested. If not, and my grandson is hurt in any other way by her, then I will tell her in no uncertain terms to stay away from the people I love.

That's where I'm at right now dealing with my fear of her. Ask me again next week, and I might give you a different answer as healing wounds as deep as mine are take time - and a lot of therapy and meds.