I've been trying to think of a reply all day. Depression is back, and it's hard to think through the black cloud of depression... I wanted to say, though, that I get what you mean. So often I find myself thinking I'm supposed to be in a dark place... and what's the point in fighting it, and perhaps that's why I struggled to make the initial post here.

One thing about recovery, I have found (in attempting recovery both from my eating disorder, my mood disorder, and my anxiety)... that everyone takes to telling you how strong you are. And some days, I feel strong. Other days I, somehow, feel weaker than I felt before I chose recovery. But I did choose recovery, and I try to focus on that. Because that does make me a fighter, and I'm willing to fight it all tooth and nail. So, there might be something to that strength thing... underneath it all.

I've always been told that is one of my strengths, though.. that I always try to weigh things out, think about them rationally. At the same time, it is sometimes my biggest downfall. It all depends on how I decide to use it. Today - even though I almost found myself thinking about sui again - I decided to use it for good. And I kept to my pledge and found something else to think about.

I hurt today, but I'm still fighting. Tooth and nail. One day at a time..