Well I had 6 hours afternoon leave but it lasted 2 as I just became exhausted. Went for a meal in a pub near the hospital and the meal was really nice but the stimulous of noise - talking, screaming of kids, clatter of plates, music blaring was overwhelming and I got tireder and tireder as it progressed... By the time we left I had to honestly tell the wife that I wanted to go back to the hospital... Had a heavy pressure on my head and my eyes were glazed.

She said she'd stay with me for the visiting hours but after 15 minutes I had to beg off as I just wanted to sleep.

She left but I struggled to doze off and my mood lowered though I had no energy to do anything for the first couple of hours.

Emptyness remained and I did eventually get to the point of self harm... Realised what I was doing and went and spoke to a nurse to talk things through and admit I was feeling suicidal she wanted me to stay out of my room so staff could watch me but that became too much.

I asked to go on an unescorted walk but that was denied... Returned to my room and before I knew it I just fell asleep. Woke up at 8pm feeling a bit better and was allowed an escorted walk around the hospital grounds.

Feeling a little low right now but it's manageable and since all the patients have gone to bed, just sitting in the common area where the staff are at the desk, while I read a book and enjoy the quiet.

The staff are good with me on this regard and allow for me to stay up in this capacity (even giving me my meds early in the morning at about 1-2am) as this is the best part of the day for me.