Hi gab,

I know they are codependent on each other, or enmeshed with each other, but I thought I am codependent too, just in a different way from them. From what I have gathered, both wanting to fix people and enabling makes someone codependent. So I get confused about it. I know I can't try to fix them, but at the same time acting like everything is normal seems like I might be enabling them to remain this way. Just like my parents do with my brother by not insisting that he get help and get busy with his own life. Their silence makes it easier for him to remain that way. So I wonder if my staying out of it is enabling them too.

Even though they are adults who make their own choices, I don't think they are happy. My mother who was once a very social person hides in her basement most of the day. She has no hobbies. She no longer enjoys the things she used to enjoy. Visiting her grandchildren seems to be about the only that puts a smile on her face. I strongly feel that she is depressed. I think they are all so completely afraid of change that they are stuck. I really wish that want to takes the necessary steps for change and I would absolutely be there for them if that would happen. I would jump up and down if that day would ever happen! But I fear they will live this way until they die, as they show no signs of wanting to take even a baby step.

Thanks for sharing with me. I really like getting feedback about this.