I have often totally given up and stopped caring altogether. I prayed every night I would die in my sleep. There was no use in trying as nothing was working. It seemed I had lost all hope.

Yet somehow someway, not even in my awareness, was a little hope. There had to be because I at least reached out for help eventually. To my family the last major one because I was terrified I would be homeless. if I were homeless it would be game over for me. I would hit the delete button as Skeezer says. Somehow always in the past with a little prodding I have been able to call and get an appointment to get professional help one more time. Just the act of reaching out made things a little better usually. The last time I went through the motions for my families sake but I didn't think anything would change. I told my family there is nothing they can do besides adjust my meds or try me on a new one and that ain't gonna work. Well actually it did end up working.

I am doing good as of right now but I am scheduled to start therapy again. I am trying to prevent the next big one but I have no doubt another one will come as it always has.