Quote:
Originally Posted by Shmooey
I just need to put this out there....I may be the only one here dealing with it, but I am so tired of feeling alone.
I have been diagnosed with DID since 1993. I'm so tired with it. I have to work full time, and it's so hard for me to maintain composure for 40 hours a week. One day this week, my autistic alter came out and didn't know where she was. She e-mailed my husband (one of our whole system's safety things) and he called a few minutes later. He talked to her and then got me to come out. I still felt very swirly and fragile after that, but didn't have long to finish the work day. She had come out while I was on my way to the ladies room and then got lost. The mommy alter led her back to my space but then the autistic one came right back out.
Luckily my office is away from others so no one heard her on the phone - her voice is different from mine and she was asking where she was. I am not co-conscious with her. There are others I am not co-conscious with too.
I had ten years of therapy, and was even integrated for nine years until another major trauma happened and I split again, but I just don't know the answers to making sure someone doesn't pop out at inopportune times. It's not something I  can easily control. It's frustrating to have been dealing with it this long. I know other multiples, but they don't have to work. I carry our health insurance and also earn more than my husband, so part time work is out of the question.
I just needed to vent I guess. *sigh* Anyone else here working with DID? How do you cope? |
when this was happening to me my therapist explained to me that Dissociation is a reaction to something....
example the person in which the alters live in gets angry, excited, stressed out, anxious......what ever the feelings/situation is that they are having trouble handling. this causes them to dissociate (numb, spaced out, feel disconnected, feel like they are just watching not participating, slip backwards in their mind....what ever that persons dissociation symptoms are,) this in turn causes an alter to take over to try and handle what ever the situation is. therefore the key to staying in control at work is to recognize ones own dissociation symptoms and then reground/self nurture/self sooth.
example sometimes when I was working before I was integrated I would get stressed out. but by noticing when my work was causing me to feel stressed out and then taking a few moments to use the techniques I learned in therapy... regrounding, caling myself down, taking a break, getting a drink or cup of coffee,taking a bathroom break, ....then once I wasnt feeling spaced out, numb, distant get back to work this time pacing myself so that I wouldnt get stressed out. by doing this the alters learned they did not have to take over and do my job for me.
my suggestion you said you were integrated before so you already have all the tools you need to stay in control. my suggestion get back into using those tools....grounding, relaxation/anxiety /stress relief that you were taught during therapy that allowed you to take care of things on your own when you were integrated.
I also see by your other posts that you have more than one diagnosis and you are on medications.... sometimes other mental problems and medications can cause a person to have dissociation symptoms so my suggestion is if this continues to bother you contact your treatment providers, they can help you to gain more stability and help you so this doesnt keep happening to you. here all we can do is read each others posts and tell you what we did in this same situation which may or may not be right for you and what treatment plans you are on. we wouldnt want to suggest something to you that is harmful or goes against your treatment plans.
ultimately only you and / or your treatment providers can solve your problems based on what kinds of things are going on in your location / stressors, dissociation triggers, health history past and present....... a lot of factors go into why a person dissociates and what will stop them from dissociating, all of which are individualized. so if this continues to bother you it would be best to contact your treatment providers for treatment, med assessment, other mental disorder stability and other face to face/real time help/options that treatment providers can give you that on line can not.