Hello Mixedupguy.

I struggle with this kind of thinking as well - I can objectively see that I have achieved a lot (in some areas) am a good parent, am a nice person and a good friend, look after people etc. But then I also feel (particularly with work where I too earn peanuts and can't believe that I have not managed to get a better job) that I am a big fat fraud. That I have somehow ended up with opportunities I don't deserve and that if people knew what was in my head they would not want to employ me, be around me, be my partner etc. It is really difficult. But, people do want to be around you. You are surrounded by people who love you as you said... And you're not perfect but you're not totally crap either. That is normal... And they still want to be around you.

On the inappropriate thoughts about other people than your wife - they are only thoughts - they don't define you. Look at techniques for controlling intrusive thoughts which might help with the specifics, but other than that, it sounds as though you feel massively misunderstood, and also that you have a very low self esteem. These things are hard to carry around and make you flog yourself about every bad thought. Many therapists might suggest that you be kinder to yourself... Like you would be to others...

Communication I can't advise on because I would tend to agree with you! However, perhaps it's the intensity rather than the volume that she's finding an issue?