I am sort of treading water, and maybe that is all I am supposed to be able to do. I think sometimes part of the problem of having a MI is wanting more than can be attained. Like my oft used analogy to a woman waking up paraplegic in hospital after a party. If she gets stuck on requiring her cure to include walking, dancing and running again, she will never attain that cure (not in modern medicine as it stands), but if she moderates the requirement to be "cope with my disability and do as much as I can with it" then she can attain that cure, because as she learns to dress herself, and perhaps move in and out of bed, etc... she is making gains in reaching the cure. I think we often get stuck on wanting to be 'normal' (whatever the word conjours up for yourself) when in fact we should be looking at dealing within the limits of our disability (a mental illness is disabling to some degree in all of us).

I try, I really do try to realize that daily. I am not going back to work for a living, I am going to need my CPP Pension, and my Ontario Disability support for drugs and dental, because of my MI coupled with the vast number of other medical complaints. On good days I can see this is an attainable goal. It is when I seek to extend myself, to become a social being, to discourse with others, and add relevance to my life that I find I get frustrated. I think the KISS methodology is important for me. The more simple and plain I keep it, the lower my expectations, and desires, the more likely I am to be OK with what I have.

I think I have received such a whack to my stability over this MT thing, that I am reeling and wandering all over my mental landscape, grabbing at this bit of therapy, or that bit of therapy, when I think I may need a 'reset'. When your computer is overloaded, received a command it cannot process it 'locks up' and a reset is required...I think our minds might be like that too.