Hey Ya'll, (Just joined today) Posted my mood as Relieved-as in relieved to have found the site, yet a major part of my character that I battle with is procrastination.

I've spent (almost) my entire adult life being self-employed, allowing myself to let things go/ then go without sleep/food etc, to meet deadlines. Often times I let the answering machine take calls from clients...as I just now did. I didn't answer because i couldn't bring myself to tell my client his Sailboat covers I making aren't finished. Now I have knots in my stomach, I'm wound up and am no longer feeling "relieved". (self-talk) "Why have you spent the last 5 hours on the computer-instead working?" I had no answer for him, and I only have disgust for myself.

I so want to handle things like a mature adult, yet this grey-haired old lady still hides from reality, and I'm constantly letting people down.

It's been over a month now that I'm getting less than 2-3 hrs sleep a night. Past history of this pattern, one day soon I'll fall to sleep after my husbands' alarm goes off (at 4am) and he will wake me up when he gets home from work at 6-7pm. I'll tell him I wasn't feeling good and had taken a nap-thus he doesn't know I slept all day. The rest of the time I fake that I'm asleep when he gets up, lay still with my eyes shut and get up after he comes back in the room to kiss me goodbye as he leaves at 5:30.

I had hoped a change of eating habits, exercise and making a to-do-list/time chart every day would help me to get myself on track. Today I looked up "Self-diagnosis of bi-polar" -just for gigggles, before I started working..

I want this all to change- Yet-I really hoped there was a holistic method to control my short comings instead of medication. I'm always concerned about the side effects of comiting to Meds!

Any suggestions? Other than "get off the computer-and go get the sewing job done?"

Thanks in advance- I'm sinking again-