thank you all so much for your help. this just confirms what i already know. easier said then done on leaving him. anyone in an abusive relationship, or one with an NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) may understand how seemingly impossible it is. at this point i have to move away without anyone's knowledge. I'm just trying to cope until that can happen.
I can't believe i have allowed myself to end up in this situation. now i get to be strapped in with electrodes. the humiliation.
i wish i could easily break up with him and move on with my life.